What Your Woman Wants to Hear

by Robert Carver
man whispering to woman

        Romantic comedies, and popular culture in general, focus on the the grand gesture when it comes the winning the affections of a potential romantic partner. However, when it comes down to it, the tiny gestures are the ones that will leave the most lasting impact. Sure, you’ll always remember your firsts — where you first met, your first kiss, your first fight, etc. One the other side though, you never know what else might stick. The smallest interactions can be the ones that you have the strongest memories of down the line. You never know what it is that could stick out or become a fond memory that you later reflect on as a foundational moment in your relationship.

        But what can you do or say that could mean a lot to them? A general “I love you” is a wonderful thing, but there are so many more ways to show that special someone how special they are to you.

One powerful way to show someone that they mean a lot to you is to display to them that they are special in their connection to you.

couple having coffee date, talking        And distinguish it as a unique relationship in your life. Let them know that they understand you on a deeper level than anyone else and in a unique way. You need to impart on them that your connection with them is special and distinguish it. You may have friends and acquaintances — you may have best friends that you’ve known for far longer than you have known your significant other — but she wants to hear that you and her are just on a whole other level together.

        They want to know that they can trust you with the deepest parts of themselves and that you reciprocate those feelings. The psychological effect of this is that, you pass on a feeling of belonging — that the two of you belong together.  Belonging is one of the reasons, psychologically, that we form long-lasting relationships with others in the first place. We all want to feel that we belong. And by fostering a unique and deep relationship with your significant other, and letting them know how deep and how special that relationship is, you reinforce the feeling that the two of you belong together.

Make sure to take note of the little things that they do for you.

        You want to make sure to thank them for the big things, but you also want to show appreciation for the little day-to-day things. Let them know that you take notice of the daily chores they take care of for you, or the cup of coffee they make sure to leave in the pot for you. Or how they never take the last chip or French fry — leaving it for you. And you want to reciprocate.

        You’ll want to take care of some of the daily tasks they may hate — ones you may be better at handling. You can use those skills to express gratitude for just having them in your life with you. By expressing gratitude for even the little things, you display a deep fondness for your significant other, an appreciation for them and you will feel a deeper connection with your partner.

Another thing you can do is compliment them, but you have to go deeper than just the superficial.

couple happily chatting with each other        Take note of an action that they take with someone else. You can take note of the way that they deal with a difficult client or customer, the way they handle a confrontation or a stressful situation and then compliment them on it.  It’s important to impart this to your partner because it goes a little deeper. It lets them know that you take notice of the little things that they do. And it shows them that their actions, their positive attributes and their general nature are things that you account for, are attracted to about them and are a foundational aspect of your relationship. This will help them to know that you appreciate them for who they are.

        The best way to get to know someone’s true nature is to take note of how they treat strangers. Taking note of that, and complimenting them on it let’s them know that you know them on a deeper level and have an understanding of who they are as a well-rounded person.

        But then, what about that confrontation that didn’t go well, or that stressful situation that led to an ugly blow up? You can compliment them on that too! Show them that your love is unconditional. You notice their flaws — but you love them anyway. And — importantly — your love isn’t in spite of the mistakes they sometimes make, but because of them. They don’t need to keep up a facade of perfection in order to earn your affections. You love them and are attracted to them because of their foibles and imperfections. You are in love with the whole person, not just some image they may project. This is in furtherance of that deeper connection that the two of you share.

An important takeaway from all of this is how important communication is with your partner.

        But honesty is also the best policy. You’re in a relationship with this person, and you want to make sure that they don’t feel taken for granted. You want to build a strong, healthy, trusting relationship. So, please don’t just feed them lines. The above advice can easily be perverted to create a false sense of a deeper or more important relationship. That’s not the goal. The goal is to use the above advice to build on an already strong relationship. The goal is to use these exercises to show your significant other how much they truly mean to you already.

        The emotions and feelings are already there, but maybe you’ve just had difficulty expressing them or letting your partner know how you truly feel. These exercises are a great way to do that. They’re a great way to make a strong relationship even stronger.

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