BDSM: WHY MEN ENJOY ROUGH SEX

handcuffs let's play for sexual use by Progentra user

Though thrust into the spotlight through books and movies, rough sex is not a new phenomenon. There are many manifestations of rough sex. On the milder end, there is biting your partner, picking your partner up and flinging them over your shoulder, or holding him/her down with your own weight. On the more intense end, there may be dabbling in BDSM territory with activities such as tying him/her to the bed and using rough moves like pinching, spanking, and penetration that could be categorized as pounding. But, why do men like rough sex? How does it satisfy their arousal?

BEING TAKEN OFF GUARD

The element of surprise is a big element in men’s enjoyment of rough sex. A large, or small, jolt of surprise activates dopamine receptors and increases pleasure. This, in turn, leads to excitement and freshness within both the sexual and nonsexual relationship. Dopamine is geared toward promoting repeated behavior by providing intense pleasure. When having sex roughly, we may feel less inhibited, which will lead to more experimentation and the possibility of finding a new pleasure spot. Biting and nipping, will cause a bit of pain, but will also stimulate the release of more dopamine.

HEIGHTENED TRUST

dominant man who takes Progentra participating in BDSM with partnerPleasure from biting and nipping may stem from our animal heritage. These are often part of early play and are included in many social rituals. Primatologists pointed out that biting happens between close family members and friends as a show of trust. If you allow someone to bite you without knowing they won’t hurt you then you have a large amount of trust in each other.

DOMINANCE

While a signal of trust, biting is also linked to dominance. Power and control are core themes in sexual relations. Who controls who? Who will submit? In most relations, these are answered, but sometimes, the roles can switch. Powerful women may want to relax and find submitting to be an amazing aphrodisiac, and this may also hold true for powerful men. After making decisions all day, coming home and allowing someone else to control the sexual landscape can provide much-needed relief.

POWER IN THE BEDROOM IS ADDICTIVE

Power in the boardroom or on the corporate ladder is much different than power in the bedroom. In the workplace, the power must be restrained, buttoned-up and tied in a grayscale bow. The face must be stoic and the decisions resolute. Though the man has the power he still must negotiate with others.

The bedroom is a place for letting go. Vulnerabilities can be released and decisions can be made with less preparation. Rough sex can allow the man the freedom to feel as if he can take what he wants, while his partner feels his yearning in the aggressive eagerness of his sexual performance. This will relax his partner and allow him/her to open up more to his control.

While many think sexual submission is passive, it is actually active receptiveness. The more strength he shows the more aroused his partner comes, which makes the man feel more powerful and uninhibited. The sex becomes hotter for them both in a thrilling feedback loop of increasing pleasure that is fueled by the gentle push and pull of submissiveness and dominance. Mutual satisfaction is inevitable as these yin and yang swirl together.

SELFISHNESS

naked woman holding whip kneeling beside dominant man in BDSMWith rough sex, the man can be selfish and take what he wants. He can control the rhythm, what the sex will look like, and he doesn’t have to restrain himself. Not all men want control, as they spend their entire day being in control. Many men who are in powerful positions in their careers enjoy settling back and letting their partner take control. The ability to receive the whim of another turns these men on, immensely. This “selfishness” gives their partner the responsibilities which will increase the man’s arousal and his partner’s.

Some couples switch roles in order to allow each partner to experience the dominant position and the submissive position. This can increase overall arousal as they both understand the inherent turn-on of being the dominant and the submissive. Other relationships have stricter roles and do no switching.

For couples, rough sex is a magnificent departure from their everyday encounters that is highly anticipated, planned, and delivered.

INCREASED INTIMACY

A Dutch study conducted in 2013 showed that couples who participated or lived the BDSM lifestyle were more experimental, extroverted, conscientious, less sensitive to rejection, attached more strongly, and less neurotic. In addition, they had a higher sense of well-being, overall. Another study suggested couples who used bondage in their sexual interactions had higher intimacy levels.

DIVERSITY

Unique erotic fingerprints. This is what Nan Wise, sex therapist, and neuroscientist says. She studies the brain during orgasm and knows the sheer pleasure of diversity in the bedroom. Rough sex and its associated disinhibition produce a lot of novelty in the bedroom. When sex becomes routine to the brain, it doesn’t matter how good the sex is. The brain knows what will happen so doesn’t become as aroused. “Unpredicted stimuli” increases pleasure by revving up our dopamine receptors. According to an expert on the effect of orgasms on the brain, a grab, bite, hair pull, or spank is an excellent way to push your pleasure to the next level.

BDSM is so much more than depicted in the books and movies that come out. It’s a sexual and nonsexual relationship that is based on mutual trust, respect, and full consent. Through the use of safe words, consent can be withdrawn whenever the sub would like, which makes sexual encounters a lot safer and the communication much clearer. As problems are discussed before any sexual relations begin, both partners know what will occur and how to stop it. This provides a foundation of intimacy and trust where the couple can explore their fantasies and reach their maximum pleasure.