You didn’t have a good day at work. Your boss was so demanding. Your officemates weren’t so collaborative. To ease up from all these unpleasant events, you’re planning to have kinky time with your partner. Upon coming home, everything was quite alright until she said no as you started to caress her.
It only takes one word to let your world crumble. You’re not prepared for another emotional turmoil. But here you are, licking yourself for another wound. Is it me? Is there something wrong with me? You start to ask. But life is made this way. It’s full of twists and turns. Sometimes the tide is on your side. At times, it goes the other way around. You get it, but for now, you feel you’re at a loss and couldn’t steer clear your mind of negative thoughts that are only making the situation worse. The truth is, you’re not alone. Countless other men around the world are facing the same dilemma.
Sexual rejection can truly crush a man’s self-esteem and squeeze his ego. Because this is a reality every man on this planet has to face, experts care to look at sexual rejection to the core and take out the real reasons why it does hurt too much. Some men who felt they’ve been sexually rejected by women went to the extreme of killing people as in the case of Elliot Rodger who shoot people after feeling rejected by women. This only means sexual rejection can destroy you if you don’t know how to face it like a man.
On the other hand, women face the same way too. As they’re more romantically inclined, women can get upset when their romantic fantasies aren’t reciprocated. Only that women have the social capacity to deal with any kind of rejection from men, whether it be romantic or sexual. They’re more able to process their feelings and emotions internally.
Unlike women, men can take rejection more externally. It’s what they’ve learned earlier on because society taught them to believe in things that can potentially destroy them in the long run. Some of these things are the following:
They’re entitled to women’s bodies
The society contributes to men’s unconscious belief that they’re entitled to women’s bodies, the very reason why their ego has difficulty dealing with sexual rejection. Some people inculcate in men’s minds how to effortlessly get women to have sex with them.
They treat dating or relationship as a kind of game where women are treated as sex objects. It’s either they could successfully get women to have sex with them or they’ll lose. Unless men can come to realize that women have the right to say no and respect that, sexual rejection will truly hurt.
They forget themselves in the process
Because their focus is on getting women to bed, men tend to forget about themselves. They forget that they’d be alright whenever a woman rejects them sexually and that their self-esteem doesn’t depend on a woman’s approval.
They see friendship as ‘not sex’
At times, men treat a woman’s friendship as an initiation to sex. Just because the woman responds to them nicely and eagerly, they think they can get her to have sex with them. Once the woman sets clear boundaries, they get hurt because they don’t value friendship as it is. They just see it as a ‘no sex’ relationship.
They associate flirting with sex
This means the moment women respond to their flirtations positively, sex will immediately follow, which does not always happen.
They see rejection as a catastrophe
Rejection is a normal aspect of life. The situation is not pleasant at all but once men can see rejection in its face value, they can take it as a normal part of life and can happen to anyone at any time. There’s no need to push a “no” into a “yes” because, at times, it’s just the way it is.
Since rejection is a normal aspect of life, you need to learn to see it that way. The following tips can help you every time you feel rejection is looming ahead.
1. See it in a self-reflective way
Your self-worth isn’t dictated by someone else. Identify the negative things you’re telling yourself. Most often, rejection only triggers or validates the negative identification you have of yourself. Until you see yourself as a worthy person regardless, rejection wouldn’t cut your self-esteem that deep anymore.
2. Anticipate both acceptance and rejection
Some wise individuals suggest expecting the best and being prepared for the worst. Doing the right thing is the best you can do for yourself. If someone says no because they’re not seeing you the same way or that they don’t feel the good vibes, take it not as a rejection but as something that the other person feels best for themselves.
3. Own your story
Most adolescents who grew up in a dysfunctional family are unconsciously more sensitive to rejection. If this happened to you, bear in mind that your previous family or caregivers failed to show you the affection you’re entitled to because of some other reasons.
If the same experience is bound to happen again, hold on to the truth that this is a different story. And it’s not something that has to do with your self-worth. The past belongs to the past and you’re in the present where you’re totally in control of your circumstances if you just want to.
4. You can be strong and sensitive at the same time
With their desire to appear powerful, men avoid things that can make them look like weak creatures. They take rejection as a threat to their manly features. Regardless of how society expects you to be, you still have the right to be sensitive or vulnerable as a human being.
Rejection can make you vulnerable, yes, but it can’t break you as a man. Being able to handle the pain of rejection well, without hating the other person, only proves how manly you can become.
5. Don’t take rejection like an insult
Culture also plays a crucial part in rejection. Society places men in a higher hierarchical order. Attaching yourself to this belief makes you see rejection as a challenge to your masculinity that can push you to “get even”.
Again, this is farther from the truth. Rejection doesn’t make you less of a man. It will only be so if you take women like trophies or as a romantic quest that needs to be conquered.
6. Don’t put your masculinity in your partner’s hands
Men in committed relationships take rejection too deeply because they feel they should be desired by the person whom they expect to feel the same way that they do. There’s nothing wrong with this. But to be able to ride the wave of rejection much swiftly, tell your partner how each rejection deepens your emotional and sexual wound. They also need to be reminded that you have feelings too.
This way, once they’re feeling unable to have sex with you, they’ll do it in ways that hurt less. And they would also be more aware to try their best to show that they still care even without sexual intimacy.